


It might just end my life

by keysmash_ghost



Category: I Don't Know How But They Found Me (Band)
Genre: Could be read as romantic, Crying, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:40:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27472120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keysmash_ghost/pseuds/keysmash_ghost
Summary: "Most days it felt like he was flying; when the audience sang along with him and the purple hue of the stage lights made everything fuzzy. But sometimes it was bad. And it just happened to be one of those days when Dallon didn't want to get out of bed."This is just a not-so-well-written piece about friendship and dealing with depression. I figured we could all use that in this fandom.
Relationships: Ryan Seaman/Dallon Weekes
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	It might just end my life

Most days it felt like he was flying; when the audience sang along with him and the purple hue of the stage lights made everything fuzzy. But sometimes it was bad. And it just happened to be one of those days when he didn't want to get out of bed. So Dallon decided he would just stay there, under the covers, and forget about the world. Maybe he could just sleep through it and wake up not hating himself. Then perform for the people who _paid_ to see them live and maybe call his wife and kids. That sounded like a solid plan, if only he could fall back asleep. But as it turns out, you can't just snooze after a twelve-hour-long depression nap, so Dallon had nothing to do except stare at the ceiling of his hotel room.

And that was fine, really. He didn't deserve to sleep anyway. Just like he didn't deserve to have fans or a band or a family or... There was a knock on the door.

"Hey, Dal, can I come in?" asked the voice from the other side but Dallon didn't answer. He didn't feel like talking at all, or being alive as a matter of fact. But none of that mattered because the door slowly cracked open anyway and Ryan poked his head in. Or so Dallon thought, because he very deliberately didn't look at the direction of the door which now closed with a soft click and soon he felt the weight of someone sitting on the bed beside him.

There was silence for a while and Dallon thought he should just pull the covers over his head as a sort of escape, but then again, what was he running from? Ryan was his _best fucking friend_ ; Dallon didn't have to hide from him. Besides, Ryan had nothing to do with the way Dallon was feeling (distant and emotionless) at the moment, so it really wouldn't be fair to treat him like he was. Great, now Dallon was angry at himself. Why can’t he just let his walls down and cry? Oh well, at least he was feeling something now, even if anger’s not the most pleasant of emotions. He let out a frustrated sigh.

"It's one of those days, huh?" Ryan asked and Dallon felt a hand slowly running through his hair. He didn't answer, not that the other expected him to.

Silence filled the room again and Dallon hesitated whether he should turn his head and look at his friend or stay put. Fortunately, Ryan already made a decision and got up from the bed. _He’s gonna leave_ , Dallon thought for a second, but instead Ryan just walked to the other side of the bed. He lay down next to Dallon but didn't look at him. If Dallon didn't want to be looked at then, Ryan would respect that, and the singer felt a deep appreciation for his friend’s thoughtfulness.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ryan asked finally, eyes never leaving the ceiling and Dallon fought back each and every demon on his mind to answer. "I wish I could" he managed and lifted his hand slowly to tap Ryan on the shoulder. Just a simple gesture, to say _"I'm fine, you can look at me"_ and the drummer turned on the bed to face Dallon, his eyes soft.

It was quiet again and the two of them just stayed there for a while, facing each other but not looking. Or at least Dallon wasn’t, he was too busy staring at his own hand. Maybe it would be too much to look at Ryan, too much intimacy, and Dallon wasn’t sure he could handle that at the moment. So he just kept staring at his fingers, trying to move them but they felt numb. There was so much sadness in him but not enough to cry and release it.

Suddenly, there was another hand in his view, just out of reach and Dallon wanted nothing more than to hold it. To hold onto something because he was drowning and yet not quiet near to have his lungs filled with water. If he could just reach out, just a few inches, maybe he could finally decide to drown or stay on the surface of the cold waves. So he tried his best, and moved his hand to grab Ryan’s, holding on tight. Dallon felt the waves crash above his head as pressure filled his lungs. He let the tears roll from his eyes across his face. They landed on his pillow, leaving wet spots like tiny raindrops on the sidewalk. He could hear the thunder of the storm in his head, loud and clear as he emerged to the surface, taking in a sharp breath.

They stayed like that for a long time until Dallon stopped shaking and the sea in his mind dried out along with the tears. He finally looked at his friend, putting the hand that wasn’t holding Ryan’s on the other's face. He felt like Ryan wasn’t there, like he didn’t exist. Or maybe Dallon had been a universe away and he only got back to this reality now, not fully understanding how this world operates just yet. So they waited until the world felt real again, Ryan smiling at his friend through heavy eyelids and Dallon focusing on breathing. He wanted to say sorry for being like this, for letting the sadness get to him, but instead he just said “Thank you”. It felt more fitting than an apology.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better” Ryan answered before placing a small kiss on the back his friend’s hand and getting up from the bed. “Do you need help with anything else?” he asked, hand on the handle of the door. Dallon just shook his head. “I’ll be fine. When do we have to check out?”

“In about an hour. Do you think you can manage?” Ryan asked softly.

“Yeah, I think I can” the singer answered and the door closed.

~~~

Most days felt like he was flying. Performing the songs that he wrote, shaping the band into something he was proud of. And yes, sometimes it was bad and he felt like he was stuck, unable to move or make a decision. But whenever he felt like drowning, he knew he was gonna be alright eventually. Because he had Ryan to count on.


End file.
